The trouble was, I was so new to the game, I really didn’t know exactly what I was looking for. Someone I could trust. What I was actually looking for was an emotional connection and intimacy.

If we had a rapport, we’d meet for a drink or meal, if that went well, the second meeting would always involve sex.

For the first meeting – there was always a clothing request. One told me no bra, one no panties. One wanted complete control of my wardrobe down to my nail polish (which I normally didn’t wear). I was usually happy to – one less decision for me.

The “no panties” was the most thrilling for me. Feeling the air brush up from the ground and caressing my vulva. It felt kind of naughty.

I wanted to explore this new sexual side of me, but what I didn’t understand at the time, was that I really wanted to do it with someone I felt loved and nurtured by

They would pay for dinner/drinks, even though I’d always offer. We’d talk about travel, our lives, what turned us on, what we liked. I was pretty open – too open, really:

“I have no experience I just have these fantasies and now’s my time. I want to hand over my body and I don’t want to think about it.”

I experienced anal sex for the first time

By the way, without meaning to brag, I’m in decent shape, I’m smart, funny, attractive. It must have been ideal to them: This naive woman with a hot body they could use like a plaything without all the usual trappings like expectations and commitment. I was selling myself short, but I honestly didn’t see it at the time.

On leaving the bar/restaurant, we’d go for a walk and they’d make their move: Fondling, groping, kissing. One walked me home to my place, came in and gave me a handjob to orgasm. (But then he made demands afterwards that I went along with though I really didn’t want to.)

Then on the second meeting, we’d get down to business. I make it sound like there were a lot of guys, really there were only five in a very short period of time (and two at once) that I got physical with. There were a lot of messages and texts but I weeded quite a lot of them out.

Anyway, the first guy had asked me to order some toys – a glass anal thing, butt plugs, etc. He was older. Kind of scrawny and had thin lips. He had three glasses of wine on the first date and he was quite tipsy by the end and very handsy.

When he came over, he tied me up for a second, but then halfway through he untied me, which I was secretly disappointed by. We played with the butt toys. He made me cum very quickly and then he jerked off over my breasts.

He was smart, articulate, mature, but I wasn’t attracted to him, and I realised his kink was more anal and butt play than domination, so I moved onto the next.

The second one was much more of a gentleman. In fact, he was kind of lovely. He came over with a big sports bag. And the minute he walked in the door, his voice changed. It got lower. And serious. Then he took me over his knee and spanked me hard. I got my first taste of ‘subspace’ and I kinda liked it.

He tied me up, used a pinwheel on my thighs. He made me ask for permission before I orgasmed – even though after I asked and it was granted, I didn’t actually cum.