I feel that if I show affection, he’ll take it as a come on for sex so I just don’t do it

: Wow, I could have written exactly what you have. We’ve been married for 16 years and love each other so much, but he has a high sex drive and mine is non-existent! My husband threatened to leave me and our 13 year old daughter last week because he couldn’t take it anymore; he wanted someone to love him.

We made up as we always do because we have a very open and communicative relationship, but I have this inner battle that I wish could be resolved

I convinced him not to leave me and give me a chance to change. We’ve become closer and bridged the gap over the past few days and affection feels easier now and I’m determined not to let it drift again.

I’m a kind, caring person but sometimes I just feel emotionally numb. I’m suffering from depression at the moment and I’m on meds and I have a counseling session in a couple of weeks. I spoke to my doc today who advised me to discuss my issues fully with the counselor. I’m hoping this will help and I’ll get some answers as to why I am the first site way I am. I would do anything to be “gushy and touchy feely” with my hubby. anon9782

: It is not sad and my heart reaches out to you. I have to post this because you have helped me in so many ways with your story.

My husband and I are newly married, but have been together for seven years. He is always asking me to initiate sexual relations but I never can seem to muster the courage to do so, and I know it makes him feel rejected. I always tell him the same crap — I love him, I’m sorry it’s not him, it’s me. And it’s all true. It’s just I can’t seem to make myself do it for him often enough.

And for me, the sad part is that I truly want to! I feel there is an invisible wall that literally stops me from making any sort of advance towards him, almost like a fear of rejection (which is ridiculous because I know he never would). And not just sexually. I can’t seem to tell him he looks handsome or that he is appreciated without him saying something first. He is the most wonderful husband, as you yourself seem to be, and I cannot imagine my life without him.

Tonight, we had a rather large fight because I rudely asked him not to grope me and he felt very rejected and upset that I didn’t want him to touch me. So I took to the Internet to see if there was anyone out there who could possibly be feeling the way I do (I feel very alone).

To my surprise, I found many, and then I read your post, feeling as though it came straight from my husband. Our beginnings resemble yours and that literally scares me to death. I love him so much and with all my heart would be devastated if I lost him.

So, I would just like to say thank you for posting your feelings. Without you, I wouldn’t have run to my husband tonight bawling in his arms, telling him about your story and how I never want to be like that. Because of you, I am going to make sure that I make a conscious effort to initiate intimacy, cuddling and kisses, etc. It may make me uncomfortable and claustrophobic at times, but to me those feelings are worth my husband’s happiness.