When it comes to sexy playthings you can whip out during a sack sesh, vibrators, restraints, or a penis ring may come to mind. Dildos? Not so much.

“The average heterosexual woman tends to reserve dildos for masturbation,” says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First. You can use them in everything from intense G-spot stimulation to prostate massage and double penetration. Intrigued?

If You’re Sleeping with a Man The first step is talking to your guy about the idea, since you’re probably more familiar with dildos than he is. For example, one of Kerner’s clients told her partner that she fantasized about the feeling of being filled vaginally while he went down on her. When her man heard that, he was game. Also:

Treat him to a sexy show. Let him watch you masturbate and penetrate yourself with the dildo. Then, draw him into the play by pleasuring yourself with it while giving him oral.

Get all up in him. Although prostate massage is becoming increasingly popular, it’s still unfamiliar to many guys-and it triggers a completely new feeling, almost like he has to pee or poop, says Kerner. “Rubbing his perineum (the spot between his butt and balls) can be a great way to ease him into these new sensations.” Have him lie on his back with his knees up, and then press the dildo firmly against his perineum.

But just because a lot of women haven’t doubled their pleasure with faux peen, doesn’t mean you should skip this sexual adventure

Go farther (literally). Insert a finger into his bumusing a reverse come-hither motion. This should help him get accustomed to his sphincter tightening and his prostate being touched. Finally, slide the dildo in and bring him all the way to O-town.

Want to get even kinkier? Strap on a dildo and place it near his mouth, use it to massage his body, or even experiment with anal stimulation. “We’re moving into an era where there is increasing sexual nonconformity, and more men are willing to explore their sexual fluidity,” says Kerner. “A strap-on can be a provocative part of a fantasy.”

If You’re Sleeping with a Woman While these moves are especially great for girl-on-girl action, they’re also solid suggestions for getting busy with a guy (especially if he’d rather use the spare peen on you than try it himself).

Bring up the topic by describing your vision for how you want to get that sexy hunk of plastic involved, says Kerner

Double her pleasure. Indulge her in some oral sex while simultaneously penetrating her vaginally with the dildo. “Use lots of lubrication, and focus on slower sex rather than fast, hard thrusting,” says Kerner. You can also try this in the 69 position. While your tongue concentrates on clitoral stimulation, allow the dildo to slide back and forth inside her.

Think beyond silicone. Experimenting with new textures-like metal, glass, stone, or wood. “These alternatives can give you a different experience, and a firmer, fuller feeling,” says Kerner.

Get in the zone. Some dildos, such as the Njoy wand, are especially designed for G-spot pleasure. Their curves and bulges make it easier to target this powerful moan zone, compared to using a finger or tongue. “To find the G-spot, rub the curved tip of the dildo against her upper vaginal wall,” says Kerner. “Once you’ve located it, focus on rhythmic stimulation.” For the most direct access, do this in a doggy-style position.

Try a two-for. Use a vibrator on her clitoris and a dildo inside her honey pot. “Combining the two can yield a tremendous orgasm,” says Kerner. Duly noted.